Honesty has been a concept floating around my head lately as you can tell from previous posts. Funny how those things pop up and kind of percolate isn't it?
One of the most stress inducing exercises for me in PB was about honesty. In those interactions I was asked to be totally nakedly honest with each person in the room. I went into a dead sweat. I have been a "people pleaser" all my life. The last thing I wanted to do was walk up to someone and say, " you know, you are really acting like an asshole", even if in the moment, it was true. Luckily or according to plan, I was not the first person to share.
Standing face to face with each person I got some interesting comments. Some " I don't like your shoes, or the color of your hair". I was perplexed. REally? Come on! Give me something better than that! I went from being afraid of what people were going to say to internally egging them on. Not fluffy stuff please. Something of substance. Finally I was standing in front of a tiny lady who I could tell was screwing her courage to the sticking place and although she avoided my eyes, she told me something real. I stood for a moment letting it land, and realized I didn't feel bad. The comment hung out there between us but didn't really stick to me. I thanked her, and we moved on.
The gift of that experience was that when it was my turn, I tried hard to give honest feedback. No crap about your outfit or your hair. But instead about my experience of them in that moment. And the lightening bolt hit me right there. It was only MY experience of them. Mine! And if it rang for them great. If it didn't, they said thanks and moved on. My honesty with another human being is about me not them. What I am reflecting to them is what I recognize within myself. I cannot see in another that which I do not myself possess. And what really bugs the crap out of me about someone else is actually something I don't like about myself. The gift in the information is for me, not them.
You can't hurt someone else with honesty. Now, let me qualify that. Honesty and judgment are not the same. Honesty comes as I, Me, My statements. I feel this ..... when..... or My feeling were hurt when.....
When it comes as a judgment of someone else, that is a different story. But if they are fairly aware, even then, they will realize that is your stuff, not theirs and move on.
To navigate with honesty in the world is not about running around with a sledge hammer telling everyone exactly what you think of them. It is about speaking my truth and then reflecting on the things about myself that I see mirrored in other people. Again, I cannot recognize something in another person that I do not embody myself. Got people in your life that drive you crazy? Take a close look in there. They are poking something you do not like about yourself. It is really comically enough, not about them.
Honestly is self awareness. The willingness to look deep within and honour and recognize what you find there. Everyone else is in their own space, and they have the right to choose how they react to your honesty from the space they are operating from. Communicate from a place of love, not a place of attack and it will change your entire experience. This message is for you with love.
In love and light,
Kathryn
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Ready, Set, Stretch.....
Stretch: "To move beyond one's comfort zone and realize that in moving from that space, beautiful growth and understanding is achieved. "
Let me start by saying how grateful I am for everyone of you in my life. Wow. The support you have offered and simply given without being asked has been overwhelming. I am truly blessed in every corner of my life. May the divine allow that I give back in my lifetime to each of you tenfold of that which you have gifted me. Even then I think I would feel like the scale was tipped in my favour! Thank you for supporting my process and allowing me the space to get here in my own time.
The last few weeks have been quite a journey. Surrender and Trust have been my mantras. I am painting my house and the process of moving furniture has lead to a number of cleansing processes. I am passing on all of the things I have held on to forever but haven't looked at in a coon's age. I have found many things I thought were lost. This has been a metaphor for my emotional life as well. What I have noticed, is that when things get moved from the places they have always sat, it is somehow easier to surrender them. That got me thinking about what was happening on the inside of me as well. What things were shifting from where they have sat for the last 41 years, ready now to be released?
My house is still in chaos but the process has been very therapeutic. I have taken truck loads of stuff to it's new homes. The colours are cheerful and very me. I feel happy in this space. I am home. It is a process of reclaiming and renewal. I am brightening on the inside and the out. Both spaces are now lit, and my candle is burning.
The Universe seems to send things down the conveyor belt exactly when I need them. Not always when I want them, not on my time schedule, but definitely with a larger plan. I had a situation occur recently, that was as close a glimpse of the divine as I have seen in a while.
Sometimes where we end up can look like it is totally incongruent with who we are. We stand with our hands on our hips thinking "How the hell did this happen? " I had a big one of those! But as always, when I found my patience, I was able to be a bit easier on myself and allow that there must have been a reason why I ended up in that place. Then I could laugh at myself and when I waited long enough for a little more of the mystery carpet to unroll, low and behold I was exactly where I was supposed to be in that moment. But I only figured that out when I had the courage to crawl way out to the very end of a thin branch and take a risk. Stretch. Put myself out there with no camouflage. Speak my truth and then sit quietly, humiliatingly, nakedly and uncomfortably (how's that for descriptive adjectives), and wait for an answer.
The answer came in the most beautiful, kind and perfect way and illuminated that there was no mistake. Once again, the process was exactly what it was meant to be. And for me, it reinforced that speaking my truth and removing all the layers of protection that I sometimes armour myself up with, ended up bringing me closer to a new friend. In fact made it possible to cut through all the crap we do that makes relationships so unclear, so difficult to figure out. There in lies the gift. The treasure sitting right in front of us. When we come from a place of honesty there is truly very little risk, very little to fear. Fear is simply the illusion of separation from the divine. Clouds in the air may obscure the sky, but the sky is still up there. We cannot be separated from each other or the divine. The opposite of fear is actually beauty. Embracing all that is, as perfect in it's complexity or it's gentle simplicity. Perfect in it's lessons, if we choose to seek them in each moment.
I am sure that there are some bumps ahead. I was having a conversation with a friend this morning and she commented that I seem like I am on a high. She is right. I feel content, centered and whole for the first time. I am firmly in the here and now. I am not looking forward or back. I am dipping my toes in the water and laughing at my own jokes. Sitting with my music and my cat on my lap, my dog under my feet feeling quite lucky and lazy in the loveliest early afternoon way. She reminded me that when things shift, we always have choices, and that we can reach out to those around us and react with gratitude to regain that positive perspective. I nodded, but I think the biggest realization for me is that I am no longer afraid to allow whatever emotions are coming up to just come. Not to judge them as good or bad. To sit in that energy whatever it is and then let the emotion pass through me. It is like meditation. It is all mind stuff that gets in our way. The judgements about good or bad, right or wrong. My experience of it has been that if I can sit in it and not attach myself to it, it simply moves through me much faster than me trying to stuff the emotions I am not comfortable with back down. It is learning the lessons of surrender, allow and trust. Trusting the process to take me along the river where it wants me to be, to where I already am on some level. What better company to arrive in than my own. To sit in the flow. To enjoy the ride.
To stretch, and learn that sparky feeling that comes with it, is such a rush, and such an adventure! To remember that excitement and fear are physiologically the same. And from now on I am choosing excitement!
In love and light,
Kathryn
Let me start by saying how grateful I am for everyone of you in my life. Wow. The support you have offered and simply given without being asked has been overwhelming. I am truly blessed in every corner of my life. May the divine allow that I give back in my lifetime to each of you tenfold of that which you have gifted me. Even then I think I would feel like the scale was tipped in my favour! Thank you for supporting my process and allowing me the space to get here in my own time.
The last few weeks have been quite a journey. Surrender and Trust have been my mantras. I am painting my house and the process of moving furniture has lead to a number of cleansing processes. I am passing on all of the things I have held on to forever but haven't looked at in a coon's age. I have found many things I thought were lost. This has been a metaphor for my emotional life as well. What I have noticed, is that when things get moved from the places they have always sat, it is somehow easier to surrender them. That got me thinking about what was happening on the inside of me as well. What things were shifting from where they have sat for the last 41 years, ready now to be released?
My house is still in chaos but the process has been very therapeutic. I have taken truck loads of stuff to it's new homes. The colours are cheerful and very me. I feel happy in this space. I am home. It is a process of reclaiming and renewal. I am brightening on the inside and the out. Both spaces are now lit, and my candle is burning.
The Universe seems to send things down the conveyor belt exactly when I need them. Not always when I want them, not on my time schedule, but definitely with a larger plan. I had a situation occur recently, that was as close a glimpse of the divine as I have seen in a while.
Sometimes where we end up can look like it is totally incongruent with who we are. We stand with our hands on our hips thinking "How the hell did this happen? " I had a big one of those! But as always, when I found my patience, I was able to be a bit easier on myself and allow that there must have been a reason why I ended up in that place. Then I could laugh at myself and when I waited long enough for a little more of the mystery carpet to unroll, low and behold I was exactly where I was supposed to be in that moment. But I only figured that out when I had the courage to crawl way out to the very end of a thin branch and take a risk. Stretch. Put myself out there with no camouflage. Speak my truth and then sit quietly, humiliatingly, nakedly and uncomfortably (how's that for descriptive adjectives), and wait for an answer.
The answer came in the most beautiful, kind and perfect way and illuminated that there was no mistake. Once again, the process was exactly what it was meant to be. And for me, it reinforced that speaking my truth and removing all the layers of protection that I sometimes armour myself up with, ended up bringing me closer to a new friend. In fact made it possible to cut through all the crap we do that makes relationships so unclear, so difficult to figure out. There in lies the gift. The treasure sitting right in front of us. When we come from a place of honesty there is truly very little risk, very little to fear. Fear is simply the illusion of separation from the divine. Clouds in the air may obscure the sky, but the sky is still up there. We cannot be separated from each other or the divine. The opposite of fear is actually beauty. Embracing all that is, as perfect in it's complexity or it's gentle simplicity. Perfect in it's lessons, if we choose to seek them in each moment.
I am sure that there are some bumps ahead. I was having a conversation with a friend this morning and she commented that I seem like I am on a high. She is right. I feel content, centered and whole for the first time. I am firmly in the here and now. I am not looking forward or back. I am dipping my toes in the water and laughing at my own jokes. Sitting with my music and my cat on my lap, my dog under my feet feeling quite lucky and lazy in the loveliest early afternoon way. She reminded me that when things shift, we always have choices, and that we can reach out to those around us and react with gratitude to regain that positive perspective. I nodded, but I think the biggest realization for me is that I am no longer afraid to allow whatever emotions are coming up to just come. Not to judge them as good or bad. To sit in that energy whatever it is and then let the emotion pass through me. It is like meditation. It is all mind stuff that gets in our way. The judgements about good or bad, right or wrong. My experience of it has been that if I can sit in it and not attach myself to it, it simply moves through me much faster than me trying to stuff the emotions I am not comfortable with back down. It is learning the lessons of surrender, allow and trust. Trusting the process to take me along the river where it wants me to be, to where I already am on some level. What better company to arrive in than my own. To sit in the flow. To enjoy the ride.
To stretch, and learn that sparky feeling that comes with it, is such a rush, and such an adventure! To remember that excitement and fear are physiologically the same. And from now on I am choosing excitement!
In love and light,
Kathryn
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Vegas Anyone?
Some times the timing of a conference is perfect, is it not?
We were in Vegas this past weekend for an invisalign conference. We go every year as it is a great conference and who really needs an excuse to go to Vegas right? It is a landmark I look forward to every July.
We arrived mid day on Thursday and had a little "retail therapy". My friend and I wandered into the Diane Von Furstenberg store fully not expecting to find anything, but retail is so dead in Vegas that two sales clerks descended on us in an almost surreal friendly way, and told us that they had all sizes in the back and that if there was anything they could do to help..... WELL! The long and the short of that was that we both walked out with lighter credit cards and a gorgeous DVF dress! And that was just the start. Two pairs of Kenneth Cole amazing high heels, Victoria Secret and every time we hit the till they further discounted whatever we had in our hands by about 50%! Is there such a thing as a retail orgasm? Because if there is, I had several. I forgot how fun it was to shop!
First day of the conference was fantastic and in fact my first lecture I got so much great information it was worth the price of the trip. We got a ton of info on making sure we have more of a current web presence which is something I am interested in but not very conversant about. We met some great friends from Halifax and Montreal and decided to meet them for dinner and drinks. Sometimes I meet people and within hours it is like we are old friends. We went to La Cav at Wynn and had the most delicious dinner I have had in some time. Champagne and specialty beer were the highlights.
Then the evening shifted and we ended up in a club there called XS. Wow. They do it big in Vegas don't they? Girls, go go dancers, high end entertainment, and drinks at $17 bucks a pop! A table was $1500 ( two bottle minimum at $750 a bottle). I laughed ( and of course we stood ) as I am such a light weight I can't imaging enjoying a glass worth $100 enough to make that worth while. That by the way should tell you a lot about my age LOL! We danced all night and had an amazing time until some 300lb very large black man stepped backwards onto my foot and broke the entire nail off my big toe! However a great time was had by all and body parts grow back.
We didn't quite make the 8 am lecture but caught up not long after and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the day. The late afternoon we meditated and then sat in the sun by the pool soaking up a bit of the 40 degree temperature before dressing up for the "Glory Days of Vegas Gala". The food was great but we didn't last too late as we were flying out early Sunday morning. By the pool we laughed about the fact we had only been outside twice for about an hour in three days. Vegas is like a giant internal city without windows, you never even need to see the strip, everything you need is found inside.
An entire weekend spent with a dear friend, shopping, laughing until we were crying and meeting new friends. I have to say, it just doesn't get better than that. Until the customs guy at the Vegas airport was lingering over my friends passport and back to her face, passport, face. I piped up, "well she did look like that Thursday" and we both just cracked up!!!!!!!!
In love and light,
Kathryn
In love and light,
We were in Vegas this past weekend for an invisalign conference. We go every year as it is a great conference and who really needs an excuse to go to Vegas right? It is a landmark I look forward to every July.
We arrived mid day on Thursday and had a little "retail therapy". My friend and I wandered into the Diane Von Furstenberg store fully not expecting to find anything, but retail is so dead in Vegas that two sales clerks descended on us in an almost surreal friendly way, and told us that they had all sizes in the back and that if there was anything they could do to help..... WELL! The long and the short of that was that we both walked out with lighter credit cards and a gorgeous DVF dress! And that was just the start. Two pairs of Kenneth Cole amazing high heels, Victoria Secret and every time we hit the till they further discounted whatever we had in our hands by about 50%! Is there such a thing as a retail orgasm? Because if there is, I had several. I forgot how fun it was to shop!
First day of the conference was fantastic and in fact my first lecture I got so much great information it was worth the price of the trip. We got a ton of info on making sure we have more of a current web presence which is something I am interested in but not very conversant about. We met some great friends from Halifax and Montreal and decided to meet them for dinner and drinks. Sometimes I meet people and within hours it is like we are old friends. We went to La Cav at Wynn and had the most delicious dinner I have had in some time. Champagne and specialty beer were the highlights.
Then the evening shifted and we ended up in a club there called XS. Wow. They do it big in Vegas don't they? Girls, go go dancers, high end entertainment, and drinks at $17 bucks a pop! A table was $1500 ( two bottle minimum at $750 a bottle). I laughed ( and of course we stood ) as I am such a light weight I can't imaging enjoying a glass worth $100 enough to make that worth while. That by the way should tell you a lot about my age LOL! We danced all night and had an amazing time until some 300lb very large black man stepped backwards onto my foot and broke the entire nail off my big toe! However a great time was had by all and body parts grow back.
We didn't quite make the 8 am lecture but caught up not long after and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the day. The late afternoon we meditated and then sat in the sun by the pool soaking up a bit of the 40 degree temperature before dressing up for the "Glory Days of Vegas Gala". The food was great but we didn't last too late as we were flying out early Sunday morning. By the pool we laughed about the fact we had only been outside twice for about an hour in three days. Vegas is like a giant internal city without windows, you never even need to see the strip, everything you need is found inside.
An entire weekend spent with a dear friend, shopping, laughing until we were crying and meeting new friends. I have to say, it just doesn't get better than that. Until the customs guy at the Vegas airport was lingering over my friends passport and back to her face, passport, face. I piped up, "well she did look like that Thursday" and we both just cracked up!!!!!!!!
In love and light,
Kathryn
In love and light,
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Emotional Abuse
This has been a very hard thing to share but a tremendously important topic to address because I think it is far more common than I was ever aware of. I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship. And I was afraid to tell anyone what was happening to me. I thought I was going crazy. I could not react fast enough or ever seem to do anything right. Those of you who know me, know I am a pretty smart cookie. Beyond book smart, I think I am reasonably street smart. But it turns out, not smart enough, I just didn't see this coming.
I want to share this, because in the last two weeks two other people in my life have come forward and acknowledged that they are in the same situation. First, I want to applaud your courage for having the strength to say " I don't know what the heck is going on here but I think I need help". Being a victim of emotional abuse has nothing to do with how smart or stupid you are. It has everything to do with becoming a victim of someone who needs to be in control to a pathological degree.
There are some things I have read that really helped me that I would like to share with you in case you or someone you love are in an unsafe situation. Often the men involved lay a very thick foundation the first six months. They are passionate, attentive and you are swept off your feet. Then little by little, they change and this person you don't know starts to undermine and belittle the things that you do. What did I do? Well I just tried harder. But what you need to understand, is that you can never win. It will never be enough. If you do figure out the rules, they will simply change them. Because it is not about getting it right, it is all about control.
Is someone demanding to read your emails? Checking your phone? Are you required to phone from a certain location or only associate with approved friends? These are all warning signs. The two women that came to me this week both talked about how upset they were with all of their so called friends who disappeared when this individual came into their life. They were angry and devastated by that. I explained that they don't actually leave, most of them anyway. They have backed out of your life because they can't support what is happening to you. They don't want to enable the relationship in any way. When you leave, they will rush back in to catch you and instead of hearing " I told you so" you will likely hear what I heard which was "Are you okay? God we were so worried about you! " No one has the right to violate your privacy, control your actions or your behaviour. As women, we have fought so long and hard for the right to control ourselves, why would you or I ever give that power up to another person?
Both women confided in me that they were afraid to be alone. Alone is not so bad ladies, trust me. Someone is not better than no one when that someone is making you stand in front of the mirror and hate who you see. Alone is simply an opportunity to spend some time falling in love with yourself. As much as I hate to repeat the cliche, until you love yourself, you have nothing to offer anyone else. At 41, I can tell you it really is true. Don't be afraid to sit in the silence and hear your own wisdom. You will figure out you are a pretty amazing person just as you are. A gift from God.
Love celebrates the person you are. It doesn't need to remake or remodel you. I am not a "fixer upper" and neither are you. Honour the person you are, and simply acknowledge that if a relationship is not working, it is not about you being a bad person or me being a bad person, we are simply not a match. Move on, end of story. You can compromise what restaurants you like to eat in but you cannot compromise who you are as a person.
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is like riding a rollercoaster only a lot less fun. If you think you or someone you know might be in trouble, there is a great book out there by Dr. Susan Forward on the subject. Be careful. When leaving you must be quick and decisive. These relationships can very quickly escalate into physical abuse when the abuser feels like they are losing control of the situation. Do your research and get out safely. There are women's shelters that will help you regain control of your life and you can let the police know what is happening as early as you are able so that they can support you should you have difficulty once you have left. Be safe, and ask for help. There is no shame in being in this place. It is very hard to see it coming. I know.
The part of the book that explained what happens the best, talked about slot machines in Vegas. That in the early stages of the relationship they make sure they are on their best behaviour. They are paying off all the time. Later it becomes a lot like gambling. You might see Mr. Charming one out of every dozen pulls on the one arm bandit, but it is just enough to convince you he is still in there somewhere. That is what keeps us stuck. Move on and find a relationship that is healthy and supportive. You deserve it!
In love and light,
Kathryn
I want to share this, because in the last two weeks two other people in my life have come forward and acknowledged that they are in the same situation. First, I want to applaud your courage for having the strength to say " I don't know what the heck is going on here but I think I need help". Being a victim of emotional abuse has nothing to do with how smart or stupid you are. It has everything to do with becoming a victim of someone who needs to be in control to a pathological degree.
There are some things I have read that really helped me that I would like to share with you in case you or someone you love are in an unsafe situation. Often the men involved lay a very thick foundation the first six months. They are passionate, attentive and you are swept off your feet. Then little by little, they change and this person you don't know starts to undermine and belittle the things that you do. What did I do? Well I just tried harder. But what you need to understand, is that you can never win. It will never be enough. If you do figure out the rules, they will simply change them. Because it is not about getting it right, it is all about control.
Is someone demanding to read your emails? Checking your phone? Are you required to phone from a certain location or only associate with approved friends? These are all warning signs. The two women that came to me this week both talked about how upset they were with all of their so called friends who disappeared when this individual came into their life. They were angry and devastated by that. I explained that they don't actually leave, most of them anyway. They have backed out of your life because they can't support what is happening to you. They don't want to enable the relationship in any way. When you leave, they will rush back in to catch you and instead of hearing " I told you so" you will likely hear what I heard which was "Are you okay? God we were so worried about you! " No one has the right to violate your privacy, control your actions or your behaviour. As women, we have fought so long and hard for the right to control ourselves, why would you or I ever give that power up to another person?
Both women confided in me that they were afraid to be alone. Alone is not so bad ladies, trust me. Someone is not better than no one when that someone is making you stand in front of the mirror and hate who you see. Alone is simply an opportunity to spend some time falling in love with yourself. As much as I hate to repeat the cliche, until you love yourself, you have nothing to offer anyone else. At 41, I can tell you it really is true. Don't be afraid to sit in the silence and hear your own wisdom. You will figure out you are a pretty amazing person just as you are. A gift from God.
Love celebrates the person you are. It doesn't need to remake or remodel you. I am not a "fixer upper" and neither are you. Honour the person you are, and simply acknowledge that if a relationship is not working, it is not about you being a bad person or me being a bad person, we are simply not a match. Move on, end of story. You can compromise what restaurants you like to eat in but you cannot compromise who you are as a person.
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is like riding a rollercoaster only a lot less fun. If you think you or someone you know might be in trouble, there is a great book out there by Dr. Susan Forward on the subject. Be careful. When leaving you must be quick and decisive. These relationships can very quickly escalate into physical abuse when the abuser feels like they are losing control of the situation. Do your research and get out safely. There are women's shelters that will help you regain control of your life and you can let the police know what is happening as early as you are able so that they can support you should you have difficulty once you have left. Be safe, and ask for help. There is no shame in being in this place. It is very hard to see it coming. I know.
The part of the book that explained what happens the best, talked about slot machines in Vegas. That in the early stages of the relationship they make sure they are on their best behaviour. They are paying off all the time. Later it becomes a lot like gambling. You might see Mr. Charming one out of every dozen pulls on the one arm bandit, but it is just enough to convince you he is still in there somewhere. That is what keeps us stuck. Move on and find a relationship that is healthy and supportive. You deserve it!
In love and light,
Kathryn
Soul Gazing
I am reading a very interesting book that I bought this morning. It is an introduction to Tantra. Tantra is a sanskrit word that means "loom" or "weaving". It has come across my path with my study in meditation. The book is very interesting and is about deepening relationships and sacred sexuality.
I came across a passage that had very significant meaning for me about "soul gazing". Now a few years ago a friend of mine and her husband attended a couples relationship workshop. When she got home, I remember her telling me that one of the most significant things that they did that really blew the top off the intimacy with her husband, was an exercise where they sat across from each other and simply looked deeply into one anothers eyes. I had forgotten all about her telling me that until this morning.
In Tantra, the belief is that the non dominant eye ( if you are right handed, it is your left eye and vice versa ) is the gateway to your soul. Now you don't have to worry about people inadvertently seeing what you don't want them to see just by sneaking a peak! Normally that gateway is pretty tightly closed. People in our society don't do a lot of prolonged gazing, it is just too intimate. How sad is that!
I know this because Autistic kids don't make much eye contact. In the beginning I tried to reinforce a lot of eye contact to teach him and then realized neurotypical people only make direct eye contact less than 40% of the time! Teaching him to always make eye contact made him stick out like a sore thumb because no one does that in real life. But if you are trying to increase the intimacy in your relationships, try spending a little more time with your significant other gazing into that sacred portal and you may be surprised what happens.
Even the phrase is beautiful, soul gazing. It sparked my interest because since I have started meditating, I always notice that my blind sight, or meditation vision is significantly impaired on my left. I have had mentors tell me that is my unwillingness to see my greater purpose, I have wondered myself if it was related to some blockage in my femininity ( right brain feminine controls the left side of the body). But as my knowledge about myself and my journey grows, I had a moment this morning where I wondered when I read this passage if it was about my having firmly locked that gate. About my unwillingness to bare my soul in the place that I have been the past three years.
As with most epiphanies on my journey, when I find the key to the lock the door opens easily and effortlessly. I am interested with this new awareness to see tonight when I meditate if that left side sight is clearing. I suspect it will be a process of learning to feel safe again. To be willing to open that portal to another soul. To be willing once again to open myself to intimacy with another human being.
I like that the word meaning is so interesting too. Studying Tantra seems so appropriate because weaving to me is about integration. About stringing the moments of your life on a loom with warp and weft threads as the framework and the process of learning and experience is about integrating all of the people you love and the lessons you learn until you create the most amazing, brilliant and unique tapestry. The fabric of your life. There will never be another cloth like it. A piece of art. Why not choose to make it the most high quality, intricate and facinating offering you can?
In love and light,
Kathryn
I came across a passage that had very significant meaning for me about "soul gazing". Now a few years ago a friend of mine and her husband attended a couples relationship workshop. When she got home, I remember her telling me that one of the most significant things that they did that really blew the top off the intimacy with her husband, was an exercise where they sat across from each other and simply looked deeply into one anothers eyes. I had forgotten all about her telling me that until this morning.
In Tantra, the belief is that the non dominant eye ( if you are right handed, it is your left eye and vice versa ) is the gateway to your soul. Now you don't have to worry about people inadvertently seeing what you don't want them to see just by sneaking a peak! Normally that gateway is pretty tightly closed. People in our society don't do a lot of prolonged gazing, it is just too intimate. How sad is that!
I know this because Autistic kids don't make much eye contact. In the beginning I tried to reinforce a lot of eye contact to teach him and then realized neurotypical people only make direct eye contact less than 40% of the time! Teaching him to always make eye contact made him stick out like a sore thumb because no one does that in real life. But if you are trying to increase the intimacy in your relationships, try spending a little more time with your significant other gazing into that sacred portal and you may be surprised what happens.
Even the phrase is beautiful, soul gazing. It sparked my interest because since I have started meditating, I always notice that my blind sight, or meditation vision is significantly impaired on my left. I have had mentors tell me that is my unwillingness to see my greater purpose, I have wondered myself if it was related to some blockage in my femininity ( right brain feminine controls the left side of the body). But as my knowledge about myself and my journey grows, I had a moment this morning where I wondered when I read this passage if it was about my having firmly locked that gate. About my unwillingness to bare my soul in the place that I have been the past three years.
As with most epiphanies on my journey, when I find the key to the lock the door opens easily and effortlessly. I am interested with this new awareness to see tonight when I meditate if that left side sight is clearing. I suspect it will be a process of learning to feel safe again. To be willing to open that portal to another soul. To be willing once again to open myself to intimacy with another human being.
I like that the word meaning is so interesting too. Studying Tantra seems so appropriate because weaving to me is about integration. About stringing the moments of your life on a loom with warp and weft threads as the framework and the process of learning and experience is about integrating all of the people you love and the lessons you learn until you create the most amazing, brilliant and unique tapestry. The fabric of your life. There will never be another cloth like it. A piece of art. Why not choose to make it the most high quality, intricate and facinating offering you can?
In love and light,
Kathryn
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