Truth.... or Judgement?

   Honesty has been a concept floating around my head lately as you can tell from previous posts. Funny how those things pop up and kind of percolate isn't it?

   One of the most stress inducing exercises for me in PB was about honesty. In those interactions I was asked to be totally nakedly honest with each person in the room. I went into a dead sweat. I have been a "people pleaser" all my life. The last thing I wanted to do was walk up to someone and say, " you know, you are really acting like an asshole", even if in the moment, it was true. Luckily or according to plan, I was not the first person to share.

    Standing face to face with each person I got some interesting comments. Some " I don't like your shoes, or the color of your hair". I was perplexed. REally? Come on! Give me something better than that! I went from being afraid of what  people were going to say to internally egging them on. Not fluffy stuff please. Something of substance. Finally I was standing in front of a tiny lady who I could tell was screwing her courage to the sticking place and although she avoided my eyes, she told me something real. I stood for a moment letting it land, and realized I didn't feel bad. The comment hung out there between us but didn't really stick to me. I thanked her, and we moved on.

    The gift of that experience was that when it was my turn, I tried hard to give honest feedback. No crap about your outfit or your hair. But instead about my experience of them in that moment. And the lightening bolt hit me right there. It was only MY experience of them. Mine! And if it rang for them great. If it didn't, they said thanks and moved on. My honesty with another human being is about me not them. What I am reflecting to them is what I recognize within myself. I cannot see in another that which I do not myself possess. And what really bugs the crap out of me about someone else is actually something I don't like about myself. The gift in the information is for me, not them.

    You can't hurt someone else with honesty. Now, let me qualify that. Honesty and judgment are not the same. Honesty comes as I, Me, My statements. I feel this ..... when..... or My feeling were hurt when.....
When it comes as a judgment of someone else, that is a different story. But if they are fairly aware, even then, they will realize that is your stuff, not theirs and move on.

    To navigate with honesty in the world is not about running around with a sledge hammer telling everyone exactly what you think of them.  It is about speaking my truth and then reflecting on the things about myself that I see mirrored in other people. Again, I cannot recognize something in another person that I do not embody myself. Got people in your life that drive you crazy? Take a close look in there. They are poking something you do not like about yourself. It is really comically enough, not about them.

    Honestly is self awareness. The willingness to look deep within and honour and recognize what you find there. Everyone else is in their own space, and they have the right to choose how they react to your honesty from the space they are operating from. Communicate from a place of love, not a place of attack and it will change your entire experience. This message is for you with love.

In love and light,
Kathryn