Divine Passion, Passion Divine

   I went to see a Vedic Astrologer this week as a lark. I have to admit my own astrological sign has always been of interest to me as I thought it described me pretty well.

   Interestly enough, apparently according to Vedic astrology I have been reading the wrong sign! Vedic astrology comes from India, where ours was the decendant that went from India to Greece and apparently lost a bit of knowledge in that translation. It turns out I am Virgo, instead of Libra !

   Now some of Virgo fits and some doesn't. I still feel Libra is more descriptive of my soul but there were aspects of Virgo that totally fit. Virgo lives in Mind. Has trouble getting out of mind in fact. I resonate with that a lot. Some of what I learned in my coaching sessions and Personal Best helped me figure out that when I hit something that resonates with me there is usually a well of emotion below it. If I can navigate it easily with just mind, I have missed the point. Virgo is a constant judge and I am more a feelings person. I avoid judgement. I don't believe it is my place to sit in judgement of others. I believe as we judge, so to are we judged. I am more of a live and let live person. I am at a point in my life where there is rarely something I look at, that I am not able to see how someone could get there. I believe most people are just trying to get their needs met and are doing their best.

    She spoke of the fact we are transiting Saturn at the moment and that it has been a two and a half year cycle. Saturn is full of difficulties and hard lessons. That really resonated. We come out of Saturn briefly in November and then go back into it exiting again finally sometime in August. In light of where I have been, it is somewhat relieving to know that this time of hardship, as illuminating as it has been, has almost run it's course.

    She was very enlightening about my love life, and told me not to be looking around for my intellectual equal. To look instead for partners that might also be mentors or teachers of things I wished to learn. She said that will be an essential element to relationships for me. This also hit a cord. The most powerful, amazing people in my life, the one's that own my soul have been exactly that. Teachers for me. That the person I find will inspire the passion that dwells within me, that essential passion that fuels my soul.

      The chart was interesting and complicated to understand. She ended with reading both of my boys charts. She brought me to tears. She described both of their journeys so far with painful clarity. And she alluded at what is to come. I felt a tremendous sense of peace and relief. The strengths I see within each of them, she described as part of each of their destinies. Perhaps it is naive to believe in such things. But when you have struggled as we have, I think it is okay to hope, to have faith that everything has a reason and a purpose. That everything we learn and believe and do leads us closer to our divine passions, our passions divine.
    Thank you Paddi  Moore for your loving attention and the gift of your time. I look forward to learning more under your guidance. You are a true blessing on my path.
In love and light, Kathryn

Why Am I Here?

 I went to a yoga talk tonight put on by a mentor who means the world to me, Rameen Peyrow. The concepts I bring to you now are his, not mine, but they have sparked a very meaningful conversation in my head.
 
  Why are you here? Was the first question he asked us tonight. The age old question that we all return to over and over. Why am I here? What is it that brings you to this place, in this moment? What is your life's calling, your life's work? In yoga terms that is called your Dharma ( I am probably not spelling that right, but you get the idea).  Dharma is the vibration, the purest form of your intention. It is the deep motivating movement that comes up and then retreats when we are not quite brave enough to walk our path. It is connected to your Karma or your past life experiences and it carves out a particular path that you walk in this lifetime. It is the path of least resistance, although that does not mean it is the path without trials. 
   
  How is it we are supposed to connect with this particular path? To why we are actually here? The easiest way to understand is through your practice, commiting to breathing, postures and meditation. These three things lead you deeper into why you are here and propel you on your life's work. Your practice helps you weed out that which is ego driven and grounds you. What is the highest vibration that you hold? What picture comes into your mind when you find that place of elation? Is it a constant state for you? Can you hold it and find the consistency within this vibration in the body? How do we engage in relationship with this vibration? Can we do it as we do with other important relationships we have in life?

  To find that consistency, to reach it in that place between thoughts and judgements until that highest vibration is the constant and we learn to acknowledge the rest and then simply let those thoughts move past us so we don't get stuck in a loop that holds us back. The closer our relationship with that highest vibration or intention is, the more confidence we have in that relationship. The more confidence we have in that relationship, the more devotion we bring to life. The moments of struggle forge deeper connections in our relationships.  Because it is based upon you, it is incredibly sensitive to your internal landscape. The more clear you are inside yourself, the easier it is to go through these struggles. You have a constant that stays pure below all of the thoughts we have in each moment. You have clarity of intention above all other things.

    Why am I here? I am here to realize who I am. What else is there to do? Nothing. Your relationships are all about getting to know yourself better. We are always developing a deeper relationship with ourselves in every moment. We must learn to commit to ourselves in relationship. Hitting the bumps in the road, working through things, examining things, ultimately getting to understand self. External events are designed to lead you to internal understanding. That's all! Life is the most patient teacher, and we all arrive there in our own divine time. Go deeper into that highest vibration, your purest intention and understand that this bad day is as perfect as that beautiful day you had yesterday. Consistency of that vibration exists below all the events in your life. As we refine our practice, the energy begins to flow through us and connect us with the deepest form of who we are. It is all about learning how to not hold back. Holding back leaves you stuck wherever you are. Stillness is constantly moving, creating, actively participating within the rhythm of life. We cannot stop searching until we understand that. Our minds will not allow it.

    The underlying theme of life is simply this : The self experiencing self having an experience. It is not about other people. It is about what we experience and understand about ourselves through our relationships with them. Once we understand this, everything becomes easier. Disconnection creates confusion. Connection creates clarity. You become more comfortable in your own skin.

    Someone in the audience asked about where hope fits in. The answer I heard in my head was deafening. Hope is the earliest stirring of faith. The beginning place of devotion. Hope allows for the possibility that we will not get what we want. That in that experience we may find ourselves hopeless. Faith is the understanding that we always get what we need in divine and perfect timing. Faith is surrender and allowing yourself to be nourished by your highest vibration in every moment.

    It is beautiful concept and very meaningful to me in my own journey. Thank you Rameen for sharing your incredible wisdom this blessed night.
  
In love and light,
Kathryn

Self Acceptance

 I have decided that self acceptance is the greatest gift any of us can give ourselves.

 And I have enough people in my life grappling with this, that it is worthy of a blog post (yes I mean you LOL). Many of us hide essential parts of who we are inside because we believe that those parts are not lovable. Not acceptable. Not okay.

 So many of us wrestle with "should's".
 I "should" be this, or I "should" want that.
Or worse yet, " I should not" need or want what I do. Here's the bottom line.

                          Guilt Is the result of a belief and a behaviour not being aligned.

  We have two choices. Change the belief, or change the behaviour and the guilt cannot continue. Now don't get me wrong here. I am not talking capital offenses! I mean things like our sexuality, our roles, the things we believe are good or bad about ourselves based on the perceived judgements of others.

   I have a beloved friend who has always struggled with her role as a mother, and another her role as a wife. Which manual do you think you are not following? And if you say "their" manual, who the heck are they? Who are those people who believe that the experience and expression of every individual needs to follow the same template, the same path?

   The very fabric of each and every human being is unique and beautiful, and integrates how we express our sexuality, our emotions, our behaviour towards others. Why do we feel the need to so harshly condemn ourselves, or to do the same to others?

   When we can cultivate a climate of tolerance for our differences, the world will shift. But the only way to do that is to start at the center of our own hearts and change it there first. So I ask you, what can you see inside yourself right this moment that deserves that gift?

In love and light,
Kathryn

I'm Back.....And Wide Open

  Well after a bit of a hiatus from the writing I am ready to start again! I am finding that I have been busy with so many new experiences that I have been journaling rather than blogging. Sorry to leave you out of the loop. There seems to be a difference for me in that the journaling allows me to sort through what is happening in my head, and the blogging is what I have come up with and am ready to share with the world. I have been in another period of intense learning and processing this last few months.

  I have made a concerted effort in the last few months to book something interesting each month to look forward to. Kind of a string of carrots to keep me anticipating, moving forward and optomistic. Sometimes it is just a weekend, sometimes a bigger trip. I ended up in Ireland for a week on a spiritual tour of sacred stone circles in late September. I had heard about the trip months earlier and couldn't get it out of my mind.
I was having a moment on a beach in Jamaica last year, where it popped into my head, and as I was looking out over the blue green water, a large Catamaran in front of me swung around to reveal a green yellow and black picture. I assumed since those are Jamaican colours that it was a Jamaican boat until I saw the outline of a huge Leprechan and the words "fighting Irish"!  All right Universe, I get it. I booked the trip!

  There were 12 of us on that trip, some new friends and some old friends from other trips. The dynamic was amazing. I laughed for the entire week. Sometimes to the point I was crying and couldn't breathe!
What I realized is how very much I miss that in my life. I am built for joy and for laughter. I also realized that it is really not that hard to create those situations. I can do it every day in every moment. That humour shows up everywhere. I just have to take the lens I see the world through and tilt it 45 degrees like a crooked frame. Everything looks new and just a bit more entertaining. Even falling in a bog takes on its own charm! I am not afraid to share the deepest parts of me with the people I love, for I have learned that in risking that, all other risk falls away. And the depths that those relationships can find even in a week, were so intensely meaningful to me that I almost have no words to explain. I am going to more conciously choose to operate at this level because the feeling of connection it gave me was quite magical.

   The energy created in that group was amazing, healing and sacred in its own way. We shared moments that I will treasure for the rest of my life. Something happened to me in that place that blew me wide open and my energy has shifted in a very significant and beautiful way. I am without fear, without regret. I am ready to blossom and find my place in the wind. To open my arms and my soul to all that is on it's way to me.

   I followed that week closely with the silent meditation retreat ( the same one I had completed in April) which was a great way to condense and distill everything that had happened to me in Ireland.  Part way through sitting quietly in my room and looking out the window, I thought about what a different experience I was having this time than I did during my retreat in April. At that time I had stepped out of a very intense personal situation and was seeking complete solitude and surrender. I think I slept at every offered break, ate, and meditated. I slept about 16-18 hours a day for those two and a half days. My body was in complete survival mode and in the time I was not thirsting for the silence and stillness, I was seeking the nothingness and oblivion of sleep.  I am in such a different place now. This time I was alert and clear. I journalled, I did yoga and I sat for hours just taking in everything around me. What a difference six months makes. What a difference my choices have made. I am finally at peace with myself and I have digested my experiences and incorporated the new epiphanies and understandings into the fabric of my being. I feel whole for the first time in my life.

   Next month friends spontaneously invited me to go to Vegas for the weekend to celebrate a special birthday. So I said yes to that too. And I am so glad I did. Perhaps it is as easy as that. Saying yes to what life offers. Opening doors. Opening hearts. Opening my arms to life. And laughing as I watch what the Universe delivers to my door........Thank God it has the same sense of humour that I do!

In love and light,
Kathryn