I know I refer to Personal Best a lot. I can't help that! It is the place where I finally understood how we as human beings arrive at a point in time and become Aware. I am currently reading a book called "The Four Agreements". It is a very interesting read as it deals with how we are constantly limiting our own potential using our belief systems, having very little understanding or awareness even of how those belief systems are formed. That reminded me of the discussion very early in PB about what belief systems actually are. Did you know your belief system is actually fairly complete by age 6? And usually changes very little after that without some vast new awareness of the process? Or that it is not actually you that decides or chooses it, instead it is formed by those around us in childhood who say things like "Kathryn a very good singer, but she can't play basketball to save her life!"
Now to make it more visual for you, I then construct a big screen door and that little statement gets fitted into it along with a million others which become my "truths" about myself. I then proceed to carry that very heavy screen door with me everywhere I go and every time I approach a new experience I hold it up to view that new experience through my framework. Would it surprise you to know that what was true about you at 6 ( if it even was true then, since you didn't choose it) would not be still true about you now? How many of us have actually stood back and even realized we were carrying a screen at all? For most of us, it is so close to our eyes that we have no awareness it is even there, separate from us. At the point that I first heard this, I could no more have told you what my beliefs about myself were than speak Dutch. They were there for sure, but below the level of my awareness.
The same belief systems operate on an auditory level as well. Think about the following. We make the same sort of auditory screens in our relationships with other people. The way we percieve what is being said in the moment, is actually filtered through every other piece of history in that particular relationship. It is why dynamics in relationships are so hard to change.
One of my teachers related this principle in an experience that happened within his own family. His sister bought an acreage. She was really happy about it. He shared her experience with his mom who immediately called his sister while he was there, and told her they were really happy for her and would be happy to come and help in any way, even coming to cut the grass. Later that week he visited his sister and she was really unhappy. When he asked why, she said she had recieved a call from their mother and that they felt she was not going to be able to manage the acreage on her own and that they were going to have to come and help her, which made her feel useless and defeated. He was stunned. He figured that there must have been another phone call made, but when he talked to his mother, there was not. He realized that the words that were said were not heard as they were intended but in fact were filtered through the entire history of the relationship and then given context. What a profound lesson in communication. How often do we not hear something the way it was intended?
Knowing and understanding this, would make it critical if you are trying to change the dynamic within a relationship to TELL the person you are dealing with that you are wanting to change the relationship dynamic so that they have a cue they are going to have to use a new, clean screen to hear what you are trying to say. Otherwise they are not actually going to perceive that you have changed your approach at all. They will be stuck using the old filter.
Once we have enough awareness to be able to step back from our screens and become an observer of our own behaviours, emotions and triggers, we then are able to actually start to look closely at each piece of that screen and remove the parts that no longer serve us. The parts that have become our limiting beliefs. And, we can choose to replace them with new beliefs that open us up to all of life's possibilities. Our words are very powerful and we can choose to use them for the betterment of all or to drag us down to the darkest depths. If we choose to use our words responsibly instead of as a way to injure others or reflect our own pain upon the world, those very words will set us free. Those words become our truth.
"The Four Agreements" speaks about the first agreement which is Be Impeccable With Your Word. The word Impeccable means "without sin". When you are impeccable with yourself, you accept responsibility for your actions, but you don't judge or condemn yourself. It is in essence, the agreement to break down all the beliefs that bind you and treat yourself with love. It takes away fear and replaces it with love and empowerment.
So sit for a moment and think about your screen. I am sure it is heavy if it is anything like mine was. There are so many choices. Drop it all together and start fresh, keep the pieces that serve you and replace the parts that don't. The most important moment has just occured. You can see it. You hold the recipe for change in your very hands.....
In love and light,
Kathryn
Now to make it more visual for you, I then construct a big screen door and that little statement gets fitted into it along with a million others which become my "truths" about myself. I then proceed to carry that very heavy screen door with me everywhere I go and every time I approach a new experience I hold it up to view that new experience through my framework. Would it surprise you to know that what was true about you at 6 ( if it even was true then, since you didn't choose it) would not be still true about you now? How many of us have actually stood back and even realized we were carrying a screen at all? For most of us, it is so close to our eyes that we have no awareness it is even there, separate from us. At the point that I first heard this, I could no more have told you what my beliefs about myself were than speak Dutch. They were there for sure, but below the level of my awareness.
The same belief systems operate on an auditory level as well. Think about the following. We make the same sort of auditory screens in our relationships with other people. The way we percieve what is being said in the moment, is actually filtered through every other piece of history in that particular relationship. It is why dynamics in relationships are so hard to change.
One of my teachers related this principle in an experience that happened within his own family. His sister bought an acreage. She was really happy about it. He shared her experience with his mom who immediately called his sister while he was there, and told her they were really happy for her and would be happy to come and help in any way, even coming to cut the grass. Later that week he visited his sister and she was really unhappy. When he asked why, she said she had recieved a call from their mother and that they felt she was not going to be able to manage the acreage on her own and that they were going to have to come and help her, which made her feel useless and defeated. He was stunned. He figured that there must have been another phone call made, but when he talked to his mother, there was not. He realized that the words that were said were not heard as they were intended but in fact were filtered through the entire history of the relationship and then given context. What a profound lesson in communication. How often do we not hear something the way it was intended?
Knowing and understanding this, would make it critical if you are trying to change the dynamic within a relationship to TELL the person you are dealing with that you are wanting to change the relationship dynamic so that they have a cue they are going to have to use a new, clean screen to hear what you are trying to say. Otherwise they are not actually going to perceive that you have changed your approach at all. They will be stuck using the old filter.
Once we have enough awareness to be able to step back from our screens and become an observer of our own behaviours, emotions and triggers, we then are able to actually start to look closely at each piece of that screen and remove the parts that no longer serve us. The parts that have become our limiting beliefs. And, we can choose to replace them with new beliefs that open us up to all of life's possibilities. Our words are very powerful and we can choose to use them for the betterment of all or to drag us down to the darkest depths. If we choose to use our words responsibly instead of as a way to injure others or reflect our own pain upon the world, those very words will set us free. Those words become our truth.
"The Four Agreements" speaks about the first agreement which is Be Impeccable With Your Word. The word Impeccable means "without sin". When you are impeccable with yourself, you accept responsibility for your actions, but you don't judge or condemn yourself. It is in essence, the agreement to break down all the beliefs that bind you and treat yourself with love. It takes away fear and replaces it with love and empowerment.
So sit for a moment and think about your screen. I am sure it is heavy if it is anything like mine was. There are so many choices. Drop it all together and start fresh, keep the pieces that serve you and replace the parts that don't. The most important moment has just occured. You can see it. You hold the recipe for change in your very hands.....
In love and light,
Kathryn
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