Control- The Exquisite Illusion

Here's food for thought.

  Most of you, like me, navigate through life pretty certain as we go along figuring out patterns, requirements, ways to accomplish what we desire to pursue in our lives, that we have a fair amount of control over what we set in motion. This is usually only true if you feel you have achieved positive outcomes. It involves a belief system that allows the idea that my ability to control my environment and my behavior allows me to effectively create change in my world. I would postulate that this theory is actually essential to formulate early in life, to set any of those processes in motion. In fact I believe understanding this process is the precursor to success. A pretty simplified version of cause and effect, but follow my logic for a moment.
  
   We start in grade school and we stumble by chance over a behavior that engages the teacher. Met with success we repeat that behavior and continue to modify it until we have created a very effective and systematic approach to interacting with our world. As with everything in life different people achieve different levels of success in life based on how effectively they understand this process from an early age and learn to navigate life's challenges with it. It is in essence a sort of " life algorithm".
Others will have a different experience of this process which sometimes leads to a "victim" perspective. Those operating from this experiential position will formulate beliefs about the world which are more along the lines of "no matter what I do I cannot seem to effect this process".

   I have grossly oversimplified this of course, but you get the basic premise. All of us fall somewhere between these two extremes. I guess what has become so interesting to me as I get older and I watch and analyze the patterns in my life, the interplay of all the pieces, the apparent evidence of Serendipity, coincidences or Kismet, is the dawning awareness that I cannot be controlling all the elements that guide my life. The scope of my control is actually too small and narrow for that to be possible. Belief in a higher power becomes somewhat of a must based on the evidence I create via my very existance. Each of us has full control of these things and these things only.  I control my own thoughts, behaviors and beliefs but beyond that I do not really have much ability to actually control the external environment or anyone in relationship to me. To try to do so is to waste precious energy.

    I exert my will in a sort of grand illusion, and suddenly realize that there is always a larger canvas being painted than I can see. A beautiful stage on which I step into the spotlight and dance my piece with passion and wild abandon to find myself in a chorus of ever expanding artists each playing out their own unique performances. We are beautiful mirrors for each other reflecting back our perfections and imperfections as we hold each other in deep embrace. The paths we trace are as old as time.
  
    I see the beauty. I am at a point where I am beginning to learn the art of surrender. The language of allow. But it is not an easy language to master. And although I have moments where I am fluent, I have many where I struggle with the need to maintain my illusions of control. But at least now I understand, it is an illusion. A bit of magic. A glimpse of truth beneath the veil. I leave you with my favorite poem by David Whyte.

    In this high place it is as simple as this,
    Leave everything you know behind
    Step towards the cold surface
    Say the old prayer of rough love
    And open both arms

    Those who come with empty hands
     Will stare into the lake astonished
     There in the cold light
     Reflecting pure snow
     The true shape of your own face.

 When we can release the expectations and embrace the unknown, we become free.

 In love and light,
with open arms,
Kathryn