Well it's been a while since I have shared using this forum. But I realized this morning that a little further down the road, that there are once again things to share. I stopped writing this blog for a while so that my own learning could continue. In essence in that moment, although this will make those of you who know me laugh, I had said all I had to say.
This spring I enrolled in Yoga teacher training at the Yoga Loft in Edmonton. I had started practicing yoga last May and attended a retreat in Golden in August that was such a profound experience for me that I signed up for teacher training as soon as I got home. I have not felt such a pull to do anything before, except Dental school. It was not particularly logical or explainable with my lack of experience but I felt so strongly that this was significant on my path, that I wrote a letter to the teacher. It was a long letter, explaining that I had to be in that class. That if he felt at the end of the training that I didn't have enough experience to teach, that he could write that on my certificate. Only let me come and learn. I need to be here.
My application was accepted and in March my training began. I was a bit daunted sitting in the room that first weekend surrounded by beautiful young people in the peak of their physical fitness. I pushed myself to keep up, with my type A personality and my worthiness issues poking through my fitted Lulu lemon attire. I ended up totally injured after the first day, my SI joint, which is my achilles heel. I struggled through the rest of the weekend and managed to practice but I was kicking myself and wondering if I could make it through.
Six weeks of chiropractic treatments and walking an hour a day got me to the second weekend which was our anatomy course. I was so grateful we were not practicing I can't even tell you. I thought a lot during that six weeks about my patterns and how I operate in the world in relation to the situation I had created. I am very aware of how sometimes in my life what is happening on a small scale is actually a microviewer for some of the large patterns that play out in my life. I started to think about why I had enrolled in this training. It wasn't to try to out do a bunch of 20 year olds. It was to learn, to grow as a person. To understand myself better and gain more personal insight. So what did I do? I lost sight of why I was there and started to try to be like everyone else. And that, has never been my strength.
My dad had hip surgery just before my third teacher training weekend and to make a long story short I slept in a chair two nights and undid all the gains I had managed since the first weekend. Damn!!!!!!! I was so frustrated. I emailed my teacher and said I was sorry, that I wanted to come and participate, but that I would likely be unable to practice. He emailed me back that I was to come, that we would sort it out through the practice. I really trust him, so I took a big breath and surrendered to the fact that he would know what to do.
He met me with a knowing smile at the door and gave me some stretches and postures to do, and some to avoid. The whole time he was speaking, I couldn't help feeling that he had known all along what I was going to do to myself that first weekend and that I would be exactly where I was in this moment. It was kind of funny and made me laugh even to myself. The only other time I have felt that was with my mentor at PB. Like she had seen a thousand of me before. THAT, is a humbling thought. He spoke a lot that weekend about listening to our bodies. Something I have not been historically all that good at, and in a large part, why I was there. He said when you are giving 100% in a posture, that you are on the edge, your body is in crisis management, and the natural intelligence in your body cannot allow it to open. He talked about how you should always leave 20% in the posture. Leave a little on the table. That from this place of stability, we can breathe into the posture and our body already knows what to do. I thought about that a lot, because in life I am kind of a believer in giving 120 % in everything. But what does that actually do to me? On the long run, it burns me out and I run out of steam because it is not sustainable. Sound familiar? That 20 % is like the self care. And it is the first 20%, not the after thought. It is the most important piece to remember, because it allows the growth to occur. It is the gift we must be reminded to give ourselves.
Thank you my Guru for throwing light on such an important lesson for me. It has been the first of many. And for that, I am humbly grateful.
In love and light,
Kathryn
This spring I enrolled in Yoga teacher training at the Yoga Loft in Edmonton. I had started practicing yoga last May and attended a retreat in Golden in August that was such a profound experience for me that I signed up for teacher training as soon as I got home. I have not felt such a pull to do anything before, except Dental school. It was not particularly logical or explainable with my lack of experience but I felt so strongly that this was significant on my path, that I wrote a letter to the teacher. It was a long letter, explaining that I had to be in that class. That if he felt at the end of the training that I didn't have enough experience to teach, that he could write that on my certificate. Only let me come and learn. I need to be here.
My application was accepted and in March my training began. I was a bit daunted sitting in the room that first weekend surrounded by beautiful young people in the peak of their physical fitness. I pushed myself to keep up, with my type A personality and my worthiness issues poking through my fitted Lulu lemon attire. I ended up totally injured after the first day, my SI joint, which is my achilles heel. I struggled through the rest of the weekend and managed to practice but I was kicking myself and wondering if I could make it through.
Six weeks of chiropractic treatments and walking an hour a day got me to the second weekend which was our anatomy course. I was so grateful we were not practicing I can't even tell you. I thought a lot during that six weeks about my patterns and how I operate in the world in relation to the situation I had created. I am very aware of how sometimes in my life what is happening on a small scale is actually a microviewer for some of the large patterns that play out in my life. I started to think about why I had enrolled in this training. It wasn't to try to out do a bunch of 20 year olds. It was to learn, to grow as a person. To understand myself better and gain more personal insight. So what did I do? I lost sight of why I was there and started to try to be like everyone else. And that, has never been my strength.
My dad had hip surgery just before my third teacher training weekend and to make a long story short I slept in a chair two nights and undid all the gains I had managed since the first weekend. Damn!!!!!!! I was so frustrated. I emailed my teacher and said I was sorry, that I wanted to come and participate, but that I would likely be unable to practice. He emailed me back that I was to come, that we would sort it out through the practice. I really trust him, so I took a big breath and surrendered to the fact that he would know what to do.
He met me with a knowing smile at the door and gave me some stretches and postures to do, and some to avoid. The whole time he was speaking, I couldn't help feeling that he had known all along what I was going to do to myself that first weekend and that I would be exactly where I was in this moment. It was kind of funny and made me laugh even to myself. The only other time I have felt that was with my mentor at PB. Like she had seen a thousand of me before. THAT, is a humbling thought. He spoke a lot that weekend about listening to our bodies. Something I have not been historically all that good at, and in a large part, why I was there. He said when you are giving 100% in a posture, that you are on the edge, your body is in crisis management, and the natural intelligence in your body cannot allow it to open. He talked about how you should always leave 20% in the posture. Leave a little on the table. That from this place of stability, we can breathe into the posture and our body already knows what to do. I thought about that a lot, because in life I am kind of a believer in giving 120 % in everything. But what does that actually do to me? On the long run, it burns me out and I run out of steam because it is not sustainable. Sound familiar? That 20 % is like the self care. And it is the first 20%, not the after thought. It is the most important piece to remember, because it allows the growth to occur. It is the gift we must be reminded to give ourselves.
Thank you my Guru for throwing light on such an important lesson for me. It has been the first of many. And for that, I am humbly grateful.
In love and light,
Kathryn
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