A year ago in Sedona at our Goddess retreat we arrived there on the anniversary of a very sad occasion. The man who wrote the book " The Secret" James Ray had held a sweat lodge on the site where our retreat was being held and several people had died. The owners of Angel Valley came to talk to us about what had happened and the important lessons that had come out of that terrible tragedy. The people who attended his retreat had paid thousands of dollars to go, and in the end some paid with their lives. Almyra and Michael spoke about the dangers of giving someone else our power on the journey to spiritual enlightenment and even within our ordinary lives. I remember listening quietly as they spoke but I do not think I really understood the lesson being imparted until last night.
James Ray became an overnight celebrity with the success of "The Secret" and as often happens everyone looking for a quick fix in spirituality wanted to learn from him as it seemed he had all the answers. The long and the short of it is that there are no quick fixes in spirituality or in life itself. There is real danger when we hand over our personal power and responsibility for our growth to someone else. The people in that sweat lodge died because they didn't listen to their own inner voices. Their own truth. They gave someone else responsibility for their salvation and it cost them their lives.
Those words have sat quietly within me germinating without my understanding or awareness in my life until today where they have come back with particular significance. For in my own journey, I have unconciously done the same thing. And I hope that in sharing my experience I will give you seeds that might help you at some point in the future as well. I had an amazing friend in my life who I have done the same thing to as those people did to James Ray. I made him responsible for all the goodness in my life. Now you think that wouldn't be a bad thing, being responsible for all the goodness in someone's life, but think of the weight of that responsibility. And not only that, you never asked for it. And worse than that, it isn't real!!!!!!!!!!!
Six years ago I watched a person walk a path I admired and in that moment I made a choice to change my life. Not him, me. And I worked hard at it. And when I finished, I gave him all the credit and saddled him with a burden no lighter than the one Atlas carried. And in doing that, I have without meaning to. left him under a crushing weight. Today I take responsibility for all the things that I have created in my life. Me, myself. I am so proud of what I have accomplished and of where I am in my learning and this is the first time I have really stopped to appreciate what a kind, amazing, wonderful person I really am. And I have worked so very hard to create that person. I am the person responsible for the life I choose, for the life I create. And you are responsible for yours.
There was pain involved in this realization, for him and for me. But in the end there was also joy and relief. I am finally free and I release all the expectations and attachments that have held me back in guilt and shame around not being a good enough friend. I realize in this moment that I did the best I could. We all do the best we can. And I can finally say, that it was enough. And I am very sorry for any pain that the burden I placed upon you has caused you. Love is no lighter a burden than hatred or anger when it comes with a complete abdication of personal responsibility. I had no understanding until now of the weight I had placed upon you. I ask for your forgiveness. I did not understand. I have clarity around it now.
I am not afraid of the darkness anymore for I know there is as much to learn in there as there is out in the light and I want to know and understand all of myself. I thank you for listening to me on this amazing journey and sharing what has been such profound learning for me. I am winding down this blog for now, as my own learning is calling me in a different direction and my path now is meant to be more of an internal one. " Seek not strength in numbers, not even the like minded, for the soul's journey, the true path, is not one that can be shared". I am sending each one of you love and light, and reminding you that you do not need anyone else to give your power to, the responsibility for your learning, your successes or your life. Because doing so robs you of celebrating your own achievements, because they can't belong to anyone but you. Believe in yourself and know that we all arrive down here with everything we need to complete this journey already mapped out in our soul. All we need to do is look inside and the light that seems dim at the start will grow to be a blinding flame and we will be able to see exactly where we are supposed to go.
I begin the journey towards that light today. And this beautiful part of my journey for now comes to a close. Thank you for your love and support and know that I am always in the world, laughing out loud and sending all the love in my heart into the air to share. Although we each have our own path to walk, I know we are never truly alone.
In joy, love and light,
I thank you for all that your love has meant and continues to mean to me in my life.
Kathryn
James Ray became an overnight celebrity with the success of "The Secret" and as often happens everyone looking for a quick fix in spirituality wanted to learn from him as it seemed he had all the answers. The long and the short of it is that there are no quick fixes in spirituality or in life itself. There is real danger when we hand over our personal power and responsibility for our growth to someone else. The people in that sweat lodge died because they didn't listen to their own inner voices. Their own truth. They gave someone else responsibility for their salvation and it cost them their lives.
Those words have sat quietly within me germinating without my understanding or awareness in my life until today where they have come back with particular significance. For in my own journey, I have unconciously done the same thing. And I hope that in sharing my experience I will give you seeds that might help you at some point in the future as well. I had an amazing friend in my life who I have done the same thing to as those people did to James Ray. I made him responsible for all the goodness in my life. Now you think that wouldn't be a bad thing, being responsible for all the goodness in someone's life, but think of the weight of that responsibility. And not only that, you never asked for it. And worse than that, it isn't real!!!!!!!!!!!
Six years ago I watched a person walk a path I admired and in that moment I made a choice to change my life. Not him, me. And I worked hard at it. And when I finished, I gave him all the credit and saddled him with a burden no lighter than the one Atlas carried. And in doing that, I have without meaning to. left him under a crushing weight. Today I take responsibility for all the things that I have created in my life. Me, myself. I am so proud of what I have accomplished and of where I am in my learning and this is the first time I have really stopped to appreciate what a kind, amazing, wonderful person I really am. And I have worked so very hard to create that person. I am the person responsible for the life I choose, for the life I create. And you are responsible for yours.
There was pain involved in this realization, for him and for me. But in the end there was also joy and relief. I am finally free and I release all the expectations and attachments that have held me back in guilt and shame around not being a good enough friend. I realize in this moment that I did the best I could. We all do the best we can. And I can finally say, that it was enough. And I am very sorry for any pain that the burden I placed upon you has caused you. Love is no lighter a burden than hatred or anger when it comes with a complete abdication of personal responsibility. I had no understanding until now of the weight I had placed upon you. I ask for your forgiveness. I did not understand. I have clarity around it now.
I am not afraid of the darkness anymore for I know there is as much to learn in there as there is out in the light and I want to know and understand all of myself. I thank you for listening to me on this amazing journey and sharing what has been such profound learning for me. I am winding down this blog for now, as my own learning is calling me in a different direction and my path now is meant to be more of an internal one. " Seek not strength in numbers, not even the like minded, for the soul's journey, the true path, is not one that can be shared". I am sending each one of you love and light, and reminding you that you do not need anyone else to give your power to, the responsibility for your learning, your successes or your life. Because doing so robs you of celebrating your own achievements, because they can't belong to anyone but you. Believe in yourself and know that we all arrive down here with everything we need to complete this journey already mapped out in our soul. All we need to do is look inside and the light that seems dim at the start will grow to be a blinding flame and we will be able to see exactly where we are supposed to go.
I begin the journey towards that light today. And this beautiful part of my journey for now comes to a close. Thank you for your love and support and know that I am always in the world, laughing out loud and sending all the love in my heart into the air to share. Although we each have our own path to walk, I know we are never truly alone.
In joy, love and light,
I thank you for all that your love has meant and continues to mean to me in my life.
Kathryn
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