I was recently forwarded a TED link by someone I value very much. It was about a topic very close to my heart so I was intensely interested. The speakers name was Brene Brown, and she is a PHD social worker, a quantitative researcher.
She said in social work, she very quickly realized that the whole reason human beings are on this planet is connection. To experience ourselves in connection with others. It is truly and honestly why we are here. It gives purpose to our lives. She started looking into what kinds of things get in the way of our ability to connect with one another and she came up with two biggies. Shame and fear. Shame and fear of disconnection lie at the heart of vulnerability. Everyone on the planet experiences these two things on some level. In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen for who we are, and this involves excrutiating vulnerability.
In her research, she found there are two distinct groups of people. Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging and those who struggle. The only difference between those two groups was that the first group believe that they are worthy of those things. The only thing that keeps us out of real connection with other people is our fear that we are not worthy. It is a deep seated belief, a false belief and weakness that plaques all of humanity.
There were three thing common to this group that believed they were worthy. The first was courage, defined as being willing to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart, willing to be imperfect. The second, was compassion. Those who are able to love themselves as imperfect, are often kinder to other people as well as themselves. They are willing to put themselves out there and allow themselves to be seen because they understand that is essential for connection to occur. They all had vulnerability, they fully embraced and understood that it is what is imperfect about them that makes them beautiful. They understood that vulnerability was necessary. They had the willingness to say "I love you" first, or to invest in something that may or may not work out. They knew it was necessary.
Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and struggle for worth, but it is also the birth place of joy and creativity, belonging and love. It is the most precious gift you can offer another human being.
Brene Brown calls the people who get this, the " Whole Hearted".
In our society, she explains that we numb vulnerabiliy. We live in a vulnerable world. We numb it with purchases, debt, food and addictions. But what you need to know is this. You cannot selectively numb emotion without affecting them all. When you numb the hard ones, you also numb the joy and all the other essential, beautiful, important emotions. The other way we do it is that we create certainty out of the uncertain. We make ourselves right and others wrong. We leave no mystery. No room for conversation. We try to make our lives perfect. Which is a total illusion. The illusion of control. She reminds us to tell our children this,"You are imperfect and wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That is why we are here. To struggle and connect,to learn and to love.
My own experience of vulnerability has been particularly profound in the past two days and so this post was sent to me by one of my angels. In my life, I realize that I am fully open to my own vulnerability. It has been one of the most precious lessons of my journey. I am more afraid of what might be left unsaid between us, than I am of looking like a fool. I am working on being humble enough to really be able to learn to laugh at my imperfections. To hold them kindly between my hands and open myself up to share them with the world. I am learning to love myself first, and that love is filling me up and spilling out of every seam. What would it look like down here if each one of us could do that?
I am reminded of the statement she made again about compassion. That those who are compassionate with themselves are kinder to other peolple. These words ring in my heart like a mantra. Be kind to yourselves. I write this to honour my friend. The woman who believes that vulnerability is her weakness. I watch you in your life and I am humbled by your journey. I am honoured by the things your share with me in complete vulnerability. I am grateful to walk by your side,
Because you are enough.
In love and light,
Kathryn
She said in social work, she very quickly realized that the whole reason human beings are on this planet is connection. To experience ourselves in connection with others. It is truly and honestly why we are here. It gives purpose to our lives. She started looking into what kinds of things get in the way of our ability to connect with one another and she came up with two biggies. Shame and fear. Shame and fear of disconnection lie at the heart of vulnerability. Everyone on the planet experiences these two things on some level. In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen for who we are, and this involves excrutiating vulnerability.
In her research, she found there are two distinct groups of people. Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging and those who struggle. The only difference between those two groups was that the first group believe that they are worthy of those things. The only thing that keeps us out of real connection with other people is our fear that we are not worthy. It is a deep seated belief, a false belief and weakness that plaques all of humanity.
There were three thing common to this group that believed they were worthy. The first was courage, defined as being willing to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart, willing to be imperfect. The second, was compassion. Those who are able to love themselves as imperfect, are often kinder to other people as well as themselves. They are willing to put themselves out there and allow themselves to be seen because they understand that is essential for connection to occur. They all had vulnerability, they fully embraced and understood that it is what is imperfect about them that makes them beautiful. They understood that vulnerability was necessary. They had the willingness to say "I love you" first, or to invest in something that may or may not work out. They knew it was necessary.
Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and struggle for worth, but it is also the birth place of joy and creativity, belonging and love. It is the most precious gift you can offer another human being.
Brene Brown calls the people who get this, the " Whole Hearted".
In our society, she explains that we numb vulnerabiliy. We live in a vulnerable world. We numb it with purchases, debt, food and addictions. But what you need to know is this. You cannot selectively numb emotion without affecting them all. When you numb the hard ones, you also numb the joy and all the other essential, beautiful, important emotions. The other way we do it is that we create certainty out of the uncertain. We make ourselves right and others wrong. We leave no mystery. No room for conversation. We try to make our lives perfect. Which is a total illusion. The illusion of control. She reminds us to tell our children this,"You are imperfect and wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That is why we are here. To struggle and connect,to learn and to love.
My own experience of vulnerability has been particularly profound in the past two days and so this post was sent to me by one of my angels. In my life, I realize that I am fully open to my own vulnerability. It has been one of the most precious lessons of my journey. I am more afraid of what might be left unsaid between us, than I am of looking like a fool. I am working on being humble enough to really be able to learn to laugh at my imperfections. To hold them kindly between my hands and open myself up to share them with the world. I am learning to love myself first, and that love is filling me up and spilling out of every seam. What would it look like down here if each one of us could do that?
I am reminded of the statement she made again about compassion. That those who are compassionate with themselves are kinder to other peolple. These words ring in my heart like a mantra. Be kind to yourselves. I write this to honour my friend. The woman who believes that vulnerability is her weakness. I watch you in your life and I am humbled by your journey. I am honoured by the things your share with me in complete vulnerability. I am grateful to walk by your side,
Because you are enough.
In love and light,
Kathryn
James Ray was one of many featured people in the Secret but isn't the author. Hopefully the other contributers though have learned from this. such a sad event. put us all back a few steps.
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