Yesterday I received a gentle reminder about what Ramandan is supposed to be all about.
It was the 17 day of August, 17 days through the fast. I am in the last three days of the portion of Ramadan that is about Forgiveness.
I am a person who is very level tempered. It takes a lot for me to blow my top. I have a very long fuse but I go off like a red headed firecracker when I blow. Apparently I lost track of where I was on that fuse and lost my temper yesterday in a way that I was not proud of, especially considering what I am doing and why. I sat last night dissolving in tears feeling like a complete failure. I finally gave in to the relief of sleep.
I dreamed about forgiveness and what it actually means. Forgiveness during Ramandan is about asking for and receiving. I have found this years fast very easy in terms of the food part. I feel great and my energy levels have been fine. I think where I have been less mindful was staying present in the spiritual portion. Yesterday was a reminder that it is not just about the food and the hunger. It is about being mindful of how we treat those around us every day.
I apologized immediately to the person that I blew up at, and she is a very forgiving person. What I did yesterday could have been easily dealt with as a "Please don't do this again and here are my reasons". End of story. I realized what I was struggling with more was forgiving myself. And sadly, this would be a very uncommon occurance for me, not normal behaviour, so why the ease in forgiveness for others and the resistance to self forgiveness?
I must be equally mindful how I treat myself along with how I treat others. Forgiveness must be absolute or it is not by definition, forgiveness. So today I start a new day with gratitude for the reminder to stay present with two days left of forgiveness in this process. And a new resolve to finish off the last ten days thinking about more than my growling stomach.
In love and light,
Kathryn
It was the 17 day of August, 17 days through the fast. I am in the last three days of the portion of Ramadan that is about Forgiveness.
I am a person who is very level tempered. It takes a lot for me to blow my top. I have a very long fuse but I go off like a red headed firecracker when I blow. Apparently I lost track of where I was on that fuse and lost my temper yesterday in a way that I was not proud of, especially considering what I am doing and why. I sat last night dissolving in tears feeling like a complete failure. I finally gave in to the relief of sleep.
I dreamed about forgiveness and what it actually means. Forgiveness during Ramandan is about asking for and receiving. I have found this years fast very easy in terms of the food part. I feel great and my energy levels have been fine. I think where I have been less mindful was staying present in the spiritual portion. Yesterday was a reminder that it is not just about the food and the hunger. It is about being mindful of how we treat those around us every day.
I apologized immediately to the person that I blew up at, and she is a very forgiving person. What I did yesterday could have been easily dealt with as a "Please don't do this again and here are my reasons". End of story. I realized what I was struggling with more was forgiving myself. And sadly, this would be a very uncommon occurance for me, not normal behaviour, so why the ease in forgiveness for others and the resistance to self forgiveness?
I must be equally mindful how I treat myself along with how I treat others. Forgiveness must be absolute or it is not by definition, forgiveness. So today I start a new day with gratitude for the reminder to stay present with two days left of forgiveness in this process. And a new resolve to finish off the last ten days thinking about more than my growling stomach.
Thank you for the gentle reminder. Write your hurts in the sand where the gentle surf will erase them with each new tide. Write your love in stone, so that it stands as a reminder forever. We are all so very precious.
In love and light,
Kathryn
No comments:
Post a Comment