Well, Julia Roberts I'm not.
My profession doesn't leave much room for a year sabbatical of eating pizza in Italy or Bali or sitting at an Ashram in silence for months on end! But I have decided instead to give this year to myself as a gift. A loving donation to the person I am learning to love the most.
Instead of a year of escape, I am going to make it a year of relationship. Relationship with myself. I don't know what it is about alone I am so resistant to, but I have spent my whole life rushing to fill any space that opens in my life. I have been a serial monogamist. Not actually without a boyfriend or man in my life since I was about 14. Wow. The math on that is kind of stunning. Not much time to contemplate who I am in relationship to myself.
I have dearly missed my friends, and this year does not exclude them. In fact I hope to deepen those relationships as I deepen my understanding of my own depths.
I am going to Manchu Pichu by myself in 2012. This has been on my vision board since I complete PB 3 and it is really overdue. I am going to tack on the Galapagos Islands as that has been another long term dream. I have booked to Ireland in September with another spiritual retreat ( more meditation and a chance to kiss the Blarney Stone - although Marj has me a bit creeped out now about how many mouths have kissed that! I may bring some saranwrap! LOL)
I am in the process of creating a new vision board at the moment to celebrate where I am going. I have committed to making my house my home as it has felt like we were just camping here for the last three years waiting to go somewhere else. I am sitting this morning with paint chips and planning my yoga/ dance studio room in the basement. I was thinking I had it all set and then I told Leah I was going to keep one wall clear for my little cabinet that has all my special things in it. Paint a mural on that wall, she said. And I already know the picture. It will be a work of love and will keep me busy for most of the year while I don't have the kids. And in the end I will have a space that honours who I am where I can go to recharge my batteries.
This year has come at the perfect time and I am so grateful for all of the learning that has brought me to this place. The longer I live, the more convinced I am that although we cannot see into the mystery, each step on the path can bring hope and joy. I intend to step in a whole lot more of that this year.
I have also surrendered any fears about the future. The things that are truly ours can never really be taken from us and those that never were find their place elsewhere, as it should be. Those things are not up to us and being in a state of allow seems the only reasonable course to follow. What is that quote? " A woman's heart is a deep ocean", and nowhere would that be more true than of the Goddess of Water.
I am sitting with my cup of tea, a fat rabbit, two cats and my giant cotton ball of a dog at my feet, enjoying the quietness of the morning. I am so very lucky to be where I am and to have all of you in my life. Happiness, that is the word of this day. In an hour I will be looking like a pretzel surrounded by sweaty bodies getting my butt tuned up. I am moving into my body. For the first time in my life, like my house, I am going to make it mine. I said to a friend that I finally feel myself in the tips of my fingers. Like I belong here. I am home.
In love and light,
Kathryn
My profession doesn't leave much room for a year sabbatical of eating pizza in Italy or Bali or sitting at an Ashram in silence for months on end! But I have decided instead to give this year to myself as a gift. A loving donation to the person I am learning to love the most.
Instead of a year of escape, I am going to make it a year of relationship. Relationship with myself. I don't know what it is about alone I am so resistant to, but I have spent my whole life rushing to fill any space that opens in my life. I have been a serial monogamist. Not actually without a boyfriend or man in my life since I was about 14. Wow. The math on that is kind of stunning. Not much time to contemplate who I am in relationship to myself.
I have dearly missed my friends, and this year does not exclude them. In fact I hope to deepen those relationships as I deepen my understanding of my own depths.
I am going to Manchu Pichu by myself in 2012. This has been on my vision board since I complete PB 3 and it is really overdue. I am going to tack on the Galapagos Islands as that has been another long term dream. I have booked to Ireland in September with another spiritual retreat ( more meditation and a chance to kiss the Blarney Stone - although Marj has me a bit creeped out now about how many mouths have kissed that! I may bring some saranwrap! LOL)
I am in the process of creating a new vision board at the moment to celebrate where I am going. I have committed to making my house my home as it has felt like we were just camping here for the last three years waiting to go somewhere else. I am sitting this morning with paint chips and planning my yoga/ dance studio room in the basement. I was thinking I had it all set and then I told Leah I was going to keep one wall clear for my little cabinet that has all my special things in it. Paint a mural on that wall, she said. And I already know the picture. It will be a work of love and will keep me busy for most of the year while I don't have the kids. And in the end I will have a space that honours who I am where I can go to recharge my batteries.
This year has come at the perfect time and I am so grateful for all of the learning that has brought me to this place. The longer I live, the more convinced I am that although we cannot see into the mystery, each step on the path can bring hope and joy. I intend to step in a whole lot more of that this year.
I have also surrendered any fears about the future. The things that are truly ours can never really be taken from us and those that never were find their place elsewhere, as it should be. Those things are not up to us and being in a state of allow seems the only reasonable course to follow. What is that quote? " A woman's heart is a deep ocean", and nowhere would that be more true than of the Goddess of Water.
I am sitting with my cup of tea, a fat rabbit, two cats and my giant cotton ball of a dog at my feet, enjoying the quietness of the morning. I am so very lucky to be where I am and to have all of you in my life. Happiness, that is the word of this day. In an hour I will be looking like a pretzel surrounded by sweaty bodies getting my butt tuned up. I am moving into my body. For the first time in my life, like my house, I am going to make it mine. I said to a friend that I finally feel myself in the tips of my fingers. Like I belong here. I am home.
In love and light,
Kathryn
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