Blind spots. Blind spots are areas of impaired or unclear vision. And sometimes, no vision at all.
The most significant lesson of my life has involved finding balance around how I see the world. Seeking the blue heron, if you will. Blue herons are all about balance.
I am someone who, for those of us that are old enough to remember, thought very much like PollyAnna. PollyAnna was a character in a film when I was young, who could only ever see the bright and happy side of everything. She was unbelievably cheerful in the face of everything even the worst disasters. I adopted that personna very early on. I made very sure that I never looked at or acknowledged my own dark side or anyone else's. Somehow I thought that was the ideal, to be cheerful in the face of anything.
I love people. I love to watch them grow and change and learn. Especially those that are close to me. I have made a practice out of looking for the best in people. Helping them to see the best in themselves. Believing that people can change whatever they want or need to change. Believing only the best of people. In my profession, it became my mission to create a place of sanctuary. where people could learn and grow in a safe and supportive environment. I realize now that my decision not to look at people and acknowledge their very human and ever present darksides, had left me with a tremendous blind spot. An achilles heel, if you will. It was my greatest weakness.
To look at human beings and to refuse to see very human frailties and failings is to minimize our nature. To look at anything in an unbalanced way, skewed either to one extreme or another is not healthy. And worse than that, not real. Human beings make mistakes. We make stupid decisions, we hurt people, we screw up. We all stand upon pedestals of clay. When we put people too high up on those pedestals, they cannot help but fall. We are meant to fall. We are designed to fall. It is the essence of what it is to be human. It is how we learn. How we experience pain and disappointment, and how we decide we would like to experience something different. If all we ever experienced was a sense of joy and wonderment, we would learn squat all nothing! And not only that, we would never value those emotions because we would have nothing to contrast them with!
The last three years, I have ended up by virtue of not acknowledging the dark side of human beings, becoming very intimate with my own darkside. I have spent most of that time by myself searching for a reason why I ended up where I did. I could no longer avoid seeing what I didn't want to see. What I realized in the end is that in order to be able to love anyone else, I must first love myself. And that means all of me. Even the parts that I worry are not that loveable. The parts that are less than perfect, not totally in control and capable, not always able to deal with anything. When I was in that dark place, I realized that when I was alone in that place of fear unable to find my way out, that when I allowed myself to just be in that space, there was nothing left to be afraid of. In that place, I faced my demons. In that place I have found the pieces of my self I had denied. My weaknesses and my failings. My humanity.
Anything to an extreme is not desirable, not balanced, not whole. In that dark place, I became whole again. Will it change my basic belief that people are generally good? Oh , come on, those of you who know me, know better than that! Of course not! But I will have more realistic expectations of people. And I hope, be an even more accepting person. And a bit more of a street smart person.
I will now look more deeply into people's motivations, and not get caught with such a big blind spot again.
Am I sorry that I had to walk this path? No, I am not. It seems that for me it was a very necessary lesson. A path as I said to wholeness, to self acceptance. A path where I looked into the darkest pool and saw my own beautiful face looking back at me, drawing me home.
In love and light,
Kathryn
The most significant lesson of my life has involved finding balance around how I see the world. Seeking the blue heron, if you will. Blue herons are all about balance.
I am someone who, for those of us that are old enough to remember, thought very much like PollyAnna. PollyAnna was a character in a film when I was young, who could only ever see the bright and happy side of everything. She was unbelievably cheerful in the face of everything even the worst disasters. I adopted that personna very early on. I made very sure that I never looked at or acknowledged my own dark side or anyone else's. Somehow I thought that was the ideal, to be cheerful in the face of anything.
I love people. I love to watch them grow and change and learn. Especially those that are close to me. I have made a practice out of looking for the best in people. Helping them to see the best in themselves. Believing that people can change whatever they want or need to change. Believing only the best of people. In my profession, it became my mission to create a place of sanctuary. where people could learn and grow in a safe and supportive environment. I realize now that my decision not to look at people and acknowledge their very human and ever present darksides, had left me with a tremendous blind spot. An achilles heel, if you will. It was my greatest weakness.
To look at human beings and to refuse to see very human frailties and failings is to minimize our nature. To look at anything in an unbalanced way, skewed either to one extreme or another is not healthy. And worse than that, not real. Human beings make mistakes. We make stupid decisions, we hurt people, we screw up. We all stand upon pedestals of clay. When we put people too high up on those pedestals, they cannot help but fall. We are meant to fall. We are designed to fall. It is the essence of what it is to be human. It is how we learn. How we experience pain and disappointment, and how we decide we would like to experience something different. If all we ever experienced was a sense of joy and wonderment, we would learn squat all nothing! And not only that, we would never value those emotions because we would have nothing to contrast them with!
The last three years, I have ended up by virtue of not acknowledging the dark side of human beings, becoming very intimate with my own darkside. I have spent most of that time by myself searching for a reason why I ended up where I did. I could no longer avoid seeing what I didn't want to see. What I realized in the end is that in order to be able to love anyone else, I must first love myself. And that means all of me. Even the parts that I worry are not that loveable. The parts that are less than perfect, not totally in control and capable, not always able to deal with anything. When I was in that dark place, I realized that when I was alone in that place of fear unable to find my way out, that when I allowed myself to just be in that space, there was nothing left to be afraid of. In that place, I faced my demons. In that place I have found the pieces of my self I had denied. My weaknesses and my failings. My humanity.
Anything to an extreme is not desirable, not balanced, not whole. In that dark place, I became whole again. Will it change my basic belief that people are generally good? Oh , come on, those of you who know me, know better than that! Of course not! But I will have more realistic expectations of people. And I hope, be an even more accepting person. And a bit more of a street smart person.
I will now look more deeply into people's motivations, and not get caught with such a big blind spot again.
Am I sorry that I had to walk this path? No, I am not. It seems that for me it was a very necessary lesson. A path as I said to wholeness, to self acceptance. A path where I looked into the darkest pool and saw my own beautiful face looking back at me, drawing me home.
In love and light,
Kathryn
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