God I love the ocean. And I spent the most magical weekend away. A dear friend got married in Tofino this weekend and asked me to sing at her wedding. A big stage fright performer, I choked out a yes and resolved not to think about it until later! Thanks to my wonderful parents who graciously looked after my kids right on the heels of their own return from traveling I was able to look forward to an adventure. I couldn't stop thinking about it! A chance to sit by the sea alone... Water is a very strong anchor for me. My lifeblood so to speak. The ocean calls to me. I am never more at home than on a boat. It fill my soul, the sounds, the gentle whispers, the drawing of the tides, and that salty smell. Mmmmmm.
I couldn't pass it up. Not to mention the chance to witness two people making such a beautiful commitment to one another. I remember how excited she was when she met him. She glowed. And this was a great chance to get to know him.
I arrived Friday on a very charming little charter flight with seven other people in time to unpack my things and get dressed for dinner. The hotel was nestled into the old growth forrest right against the beach. My first gift of the weekend was a spontaneous upgrade to oceanview. Not sure what I did to deserve that, but I'd sure do it again! Lol! Wow! I could have kissed someone!! I arrived in my room to find a king size bed, jacuzzi tub and a balcony facing the surf. Heaven.That balcony door never got closed. The sound was amazing. The roaring surf about 100 ft outside my windows.
I slipped into my dress and heels and caught Tofino's only cab (we got to know each other well in the five trips I took) to the Spotted Bear Bistro. I am pathologically early to everything, but it does allow me to people watch. Guests began pouring in bubbling with excitement at their surfing experiences that day. In minutes I was awash in friends old and new. The evening carried us on waves of laughter and stories about how we all met the couple. I sat and watched the easy banter of family and the teasing of friends. Thinking, these really are the simple pleasures of life and sampling the delicious fare. By the time I found my way home, it was a contest whether my cheeks hurt more from laughing or my feet from stiletto heels (will I never learn).
In the morning the swells through the open door had me awake and waiting for daylight. As soon as the sun was up I crept out onto the beach and I was seized by the desire to run like a little kid. You know the run where you actually are going so hard you could plow into something like a windmill and fall because you almost throw yourself off balance with the momentum. I felt like I could run forever. I got to the end of the beach and turned around and walked back to take in the scenery and yes because I played myself out!!! Turns out that feeling of being able to go forever was just a feeling. There were ravens all over the beach. Small animals had traced out what looked like thousands of lines of intricate handwriting, ancient messages written in the sand waiting to be washed away and written again.
I stopped to have breakfast and coffee on the terrace watching the kids and the dogs racing out into the surf as the world woke up to join me. When I got back to my room I did the back body sattva sequence for an hour and ended in a very deep state of meditation. Hours away, my anxiety about performing was starting to rear it's head. In the meditation I saw myself on the beach. I heard my own voice and I actually saw the music like vaporous ribbons rising up from my lips towards the heavens. The sky was filled with the sound. I could feel the vibration filling my chest filling me with a warmth and fullness where there had before been only fear. For the first time ever singing I knew I would not be afraid. It was as though I had already seen it happen. The message I heard was stay present. That was harder than it sounds. Usually what I do is worry until the moment I get up to sing at which point I have missed everything else. Which sucks!! This was a different strategy.
My favorite cab driver whisked me off towards the ceremony and after a short walk downhill we arrived in a small sheltered haven, white tents and candles by the sea, a wooden alter draped with tule and white roses. It was breathtaking. And that was only the beginning. The ceremony was incredibly intimate with the couple's two small children close at hand. It could not have been a more perfect day. We ate crab until we couldn't move and then danced on the beach under the stars digging our feet into the sand. The dance music beat the pulse of the northern lights above us as we watched the couple entwine on the dance floor. Their first dance was a Lady Gagaesque extravaganza which brought out both of their tremendous senses of fun and play. They wrapped around each other like loving vines twisting and turning in sultry and teasing swirls. In that moment I felt the world fall away and they were blissfully alone in their joy. They seemed so perfectly matched in form and movement. Hold on to this moment, I whispered into the wind.
I felt the thrill run up my spine, the reminder of what we all search for. Two hearts making that bond to follow one another on the winding road, taking care not to stray too far from the touch of the others hand. I felt hope, and as I joined into the dance again I reached my hands above my head towards the stars. In that moment I felt as happy as I have ever felt and I danced until I could dance no more. A fact proven by my aches the next morning!
At breakfast we all bid an unwilling goodbye, not wanting the magic to end. I arranged a late check out and repeated my previous days routine. In searching to get dressed I found a letter to a friend I had written at the end of my goddess course. Part of our release exercise. A letter never meant to be read by human eyes, never sent, left in my carry on luggage and a ring that no longer belongs to me. I was struck by a bit of mischief and I decided to make a ceremonial surrender of these items on the beach. I sat on a log and watched the flames from my matches claim words with no one to hear. The wind carried tiny bits of ash and my words towards the heavens. It took a whole book of matches but I was determined to let it go. I walked to the end of the beach where the sand gives way to climbing rock formations and scrambled my way to the top. I took the ring and I threw it as hard as I could. The ocean accepted it with a small satisfying plop. I am free. The waves claimed my past and I stood on that cliff smiling into the wind arms wide to embrace my future whatever form it takes.
I realized in that moment, I am home. I no longer feel a stranger to myself. My own company slips around my shoulders like a favorite cashmere throw. I laugh to myself, giggle at my own jokes and dance with myself until dawn breaks along the horizon, the color of hope.
I am home, surrounded by dear and loving friends. Thank you for filling my cup
In love and light,
Kathryn
I couldn't pass it up. Not to mention the chance to witness two people making such a beautiful commitment to one another. I remember how excited she was when she met him. She glowed. And this was a great chance to get to know him.
I arrived Friday on a very charming little charter flight with seven other people in time to unpack my things and get dressed for dinner. The hotel was nestled into the old growth forrest right against the beach. My first gift of the weekend was a spontaneous upgrade to oceanview. Not sure what I did to deserve that, but I'd sure do it again! Lol! Wow! I could have kissed someone!! I arrived in my room to find a king size bed, jacuzzi tub and a balcony facing the surf. Heaven.That balcony door never got closed. The sound was amazing. The roaring surf about 100 ft outside my windows.
I slipped into my dress and heels and caught Tofino's only cab (we got to know each other well in the five trips I took) to the Spotted Bear Bistro. I am pathologically early to everything, but it does allow me to people watch. Guests began pouring in bubbling with excitement at their surfing experiences that day. In minutes I was awash in friends old and new. The evening carried us on waves of laughter and stories about how we all met the couple. I sat and watched the easy banter of family and the teasing of friends. Thinking, these really are the simple pleasures of life and sampling the delicious fare. By the time I found my way home, it was a contest whether my cheeks hurt more from laughing or my feet from stiletto heels (will I never learn).
In the morning the swells through the open door had me awake and waiting for daylight. As soon as the sun was up I crept out onto the beach and I was seized by the desire to run like a little kid. You know the run where you actually are going so hard you could plow into something like a windmill and fall because you almost throw yourself off balance with the momentum. I felt like I could run forever. I got to the end of the beach and turned around and walked back to take in the scenery and yes because I played myself out!!! Turns out that feeling of being able to go forever was just a feeling. There were ravens all over the beach. Small animals had traced out what looked like thousands of lines of intricate handwriting, ancient messages written in the sand waiting to be washed away and written again.
I stopped to have breakfast and coffee on the terrace watching the kids and the dogs racing out into the surf as the world woke up to join me. When I got back to my room I did the back body sattva sequence for an hour and ended in a very deep state of meditation. Hours away, my anxiety about performing was starting to rear it's head. In the meditation I saw myself on the beach. I heard my own voice and I actually saw the music like vaporous ribbons rising up from my lips towards the heavens. The sky was filled with the sound. I could feel the vibration filling my chest filling me with a warmth and fullness where there had before been only fear. For the first time ever singing I knew I would not be afraid. It was as though I had already seen it happen. The message I heard was stay present. That was harder than it sounds. Usually what I do is worry until the moment I get up to sing at which point I have missed everything else. Which sucks!! This was a different strategy.
My favorite cab driver whisked me off towards the ceremony and after a short walk downhill we arrived in a small sheltered haven, white tents and candles by the sea, a wooden alter draped with tule and white roses. It was breathtaking. And that was only the beginning. The ceremony was incredibly intimate with the couple's two small children close at hand. It could not have been a more perfect day. We ate crab until we couldn't move and then danced on the beach under the stars digging our feet into the sand. The dance music beat the pulse of the northern lights above us as we watched the couple entwine on the dance floor. Their first dance was a Lady Gagaesque extravaganza which brought out both of their tremendous senses of fun and play. They wrapped around each other like loving vines twisting and turning in sultry and teasing swirls. In that moment I felt the world fall away and they were blissfully alone in their joy. They seemed so perfectly matched in form and movement. Hold on to this moment, I whispered into the wind.
I felt the thrill run up my spine, the reminder of what we all search for. Two hearts making that bond to follow one another on the winding road, taking care not to stray too far from the touch of the others hand. I felt hope, and as I joined into the dance again I reached my hands above my head towards the stars. In that moment I felt as happy as I have ever felt and I danced until I could dance no more. A fact proven by my aches the next morning!
At breakfast we all bid an unwilling goodbye, not wanting the magic to end. I arranged a late check out and repeated my previous days routine. In searching to get dressed I found a letter to a friend I had written at the end of my goddess course. Part of our release exercise. A letter never meant to be read by human eyes, never sent, left in my carry on luggage and a ring that no longer belongs to me. I was struck by a bit of mischief and I decided to make a ceremonial surrender of these items on the beach. I sat on a log and watched the flames from my matches claim words with no one to hear. The wind carried tiny bits of ash and my words towards the heavens. It took a whole book of matches but I was determined to let it go. I walked to the end of the beach where the sand gives way to climbing rock formations and scrambled my way to the top. I took the ring and I threw it as hard as I could. The ocean accepted it with a small satisfying plop. I am free. The waves claimed my past and I stood on that cliff smiling into the wind arms wide to embrace my future whatever form it takes.
I realized in that moment, I am home. I no longer feel a stranger to myself. My own company slips around my shoulders like a favorite cashmere throw. I laugh to myself, giggle at my own jokes and dance with myself until dawn breaks along the horizon, the color of hope.
I am home, surrounded by dear and loving friends. Thank you for filling my cup
In love and light,
Kathryn
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