I keep pulling the intuition card that has the bear on it. Bear, is all about boundaries.
Boundaries, have never been my strong suit.
My favorite line on this card is " for you to be your complete self, you must not only define who you are, but who you are not." What a concept! In essence it is the art of saying "No!", "No thank you, or Not on your life!" The other line that stops me in my tracks is "the only way that others can intimidate you is to deny you your own power and operate out of fear. Come from strong love, without malice or agression, and let them see and feel your full presence." In other words, stand in your truth from a place of love.
The last year and a half for sure, have been lessons in boundary setting for me. A full time course. I made the mistake of thinking that compromising myself, was simply compromising for the sake of a relationship. My relationship before was kind of a solo journey, a parallel walk rather than a journey together. I didn't know what compromise looked like. What I wanted was a partnership. That requires some compromise on the part of both parties. What I learned, was that you can compromise where you are going on vacation, or what kind of restaurants you both like to eat in, but you cannot compromise the essence of who you are for anyone. The understanding that I have come to, is that love does not ask you to change who you are. It celebrates the essence of a person. All those quirky things that come together to create a human being. I spoke about seeing the divine in the face of another, that those qualities are not really about the person, but we don't fall in love with qualities, we fall in love with human beings. Imperfectly assembled with all their quirks and follies. And sometimes, because of them.
When you are asked to change who you are as a person, I can now wisely suggest that you stand firmly ( or turn and run! ) and say I am perfect and amazing as I am, as are you. If this is not a match I suggest we both move on and keep searching. When someone needs you to change those things, you need to stand in your truth and simply know that there is nothing wrong with you, that this is simply not your match.
One of the things I am most proud of is how my marriage ended. That we are still friends. That we support and care about each other and are actively involved in each others lives every day parenting our children. That we were honest and kind to one another. This wonderful man has been part of my life for over twenty years, and is the father of my two beautiful boys. I have never wanted to end any relationship with animosity, and to date I think I have achieved this end as often as I have been able through my own efforts. My one regret, is that in learning this lesson of holding boundaries, I almost allowed another person to damage all I had fought so hard to preserve. I will never be foolhardy enought to allow any other person have a say in the rightness or wrongness of my continued relationship with my ex husband. It is one of the boundaries I will continue to hold strong. Love does not need to possess or control. It is generous and inclusive, especially where children are involved. Above all, their needs must come first.
The boundaries I am starting with have been bold and large. They have had to be. The frightening part for me is that although I felt victimized and caged by another person, the accountable piece of that is that I was in fact my own jailer. There was no one stopping me from walking away but me. I was in a jail of my own making. Wow. How is that for a Stunner. Someone as strong as me, lost sight of the fact that I was always in control of my own choices. How in the heck did that happen. I am still searching for an answer to that one.
Boundaries. Think about them. What are yours?
In a land without fences, everything you love can be trampled. Good fences make good neighbors, isn't that what they say? A few of the things I have loved most, got trampled. Now you can find me hard at work putting up some beautiful cedar fences, rolling up my sleeves, bare feet in the earth. The wind tossling my long hair around my face, the sun shining down upon me. I am tending my garden. I am surveying the damage and trying to rebuild. I have faith. With work and time, I know that the beloved things I have lost will be restored and replaced, this time healthier than before. This time, fiercely protected, tended and nurtured. I ground myself, stretching my roots into the earth and tip my head back towards the sky and laughter escapes my lips. What a process this life is.
What a beautiful process.
In love and light,
Kathryn
Boundaries, have never been my strong suit.
My favorite line on this card is " for you to be your complete self, you must not only define who you are, but who you are not." What a concept! In essence it is the art of saying "No!", "No thank you, or Not on your life!" The other line that stops me in my tracks is "the only way that others can intimidate you is to deny you your own power and operate out of fear. Come from strong love, without malice or agression, and let them see and feel your full presence." In other words, stand in your truth from a place of love.
The last year and a half for sure, have been lessons in boundary setting for me. A full time course. I made the mistake of thinking that compromising myself, was simply compromising for the sake of a relationship. My relationship before was kind of a solo journey, a parallel walk rather than a journey together. I didn't know what compromise looked like. What I wanted was a partnership. That requires some compromise on the part of both parties. What I learned, was that you can compromise where you are going on vacation, or what kind of restaurants you both like to eat in, but you cannot compromise the essence of who you are for anyone. The understanding that I have come to, is that love does not ask you to change who you are. It celebrates the essence of a person. All those quirky things that come together to create a human being. I spoke about seeing the divine in the face of another, that those qualities are not really about the person, but we don't fall in love with qualities, we fall in love with human beings. Imperfectly assembled with all their quirks and follies. And sometimes, because of them.
When you are asked to change who you are as a person, I can now wisely suggest that you stand firmly ( or turn and run! ) and say I am perfect and amazing as I am, as are you. If this is not a match I suggest we both move on and keep searching. When someone needs you to change those things, you need to stand in your truth and simply know that there is nothing wrong with you, that this is simply not your match.
One of the things I am most proud of is how my marriage ended. That we are still friends. That we support and care about each other and are actively involved in each others lives every day parenting our children. That we were honest and kind to one another. This wonderful man has been part of my life for over twenty years, and is the father of my two beautiful boys. I have never wanted to end any relationship with animosity, and to date I think I have achieved this end as often as I have been able through my own efforts. My one regret, is that in learning this lesson of holding boundaries, I almost allowed another person to damage all I had fought so hard to preserve. I will never be foolhardy enought to allow any other person have a say in the rightness or wrongness of my continued relationship with my ex husband. It is one of the boundaries I will continue to hold strong. Love does not need to possess or control. It is generous and inclusive, especially where children are involved. Above all, their needs must come first.
The boundaries I am starting with have been bold and large. They have had to be. The frightening part for me is that although I felt victimized and caged by another person, the accountable piece of that is that I was in fact my own jailer. There was no one stopping me from walking away but me. I was in a jail of my own making. Wow. How is that for a Stunner. Someone as strong as me, lost sight of the fact that I was always in control of my own choices. How in the heck did that happen. I am still searching for an answer to that one.
Boundaries. Think about them. What are yours?
In a land without fences, everything you love can be trampled. Good fences make good neighbors, isn't that what they say? A few of the things I have loved most, got trampled. Now you can find me hard at work putting up some beautiful cedar fences, rolling up my sleeves, bare feet in the earth. The wind tossling my long hair around my face, the sun shining down upon me. I am tending my garden. I am surveying the damage and trying to rebuild. I have faith. With work and time, I know that the beloved things I have lost will be restored and replaced, this time healthier than before. This time, fiercely protected, tended and nurtured. I ground myself, stretching my roots into the earth and tip my head back towards the sky and laughter escapes my lips. What a process this life is.
What a beautiful process.
In love and light,
Kathryn
Bravo Kathryn. Totally beautiful. I want to stand up and cheer and hug you!
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